Family Worship

If you’ve ever wanted to see what barely contained chaos looks like, come to my house some time after dinner as our four children have received the very clear and simple instructions of “get ready for bed and meet in the front room.” What ensues often involves lots of giggling and sometimes screaming and tears and, after at least a few reminders, finally brushing their teeth and actually getting ready for bed.

But eventually all our children grab a pillow and find their spot on the floor for family worship. The format is simple and takes about 5-15 minutes depending on the night. Despite the wiggly, distracted, and often goofy audience, we are all drawn closer to each other as we’re drawn closer to God.

If you’re wondering what I’m even talking about, you’re not alone. According to some estimates, fewer than 15% of Christian homes have any sort of regular and intentional family worship. I wasn’t even familiar with the term till a few years ago when a friend at Faith brought it up and shared what he did with his family. What he described turned out to be the simple format of “Read, Sing, and Pray” from Donald S. Whitney’s book Family Worship.

That simple and casual Sunday morning conversation was both encouraging and convicting. It led my wife and me to evaluate what we were doing to teach our kids about God and what we should be doing.

Family what?

So, what is family worship? My own humble definition is: The regular and intentional practice of a family to meet together to read God’s Word, sing His praises, and pray. To borrow from Jonathan Edwards, “Every Christian home ought to be, as it were, a little church.” Other names for family worship include family devotions, discipleship, or the more antiquated term “the family altar.” You might call it something different still. What’s important is that God is worshiped daily in the Christian home.

But why?

Every family has a different dynamic and plenty of good things competing for our time and attention. With all the busyness of school and soccer practice, birthday parties and play dates, chores, projects, and the myriad of other things demanding our time, why add one more thing? Isn’t going to church together enough? What about Growth Groups and youth groups and VBS? Doesn’t that do the trick?

And besides, you might say, am I even really qualified to lead worship? I’m not a pastor or theologian and I can’t carry a tune in a bucket, so why should I start family worship? These are all great questions. I can’t answer every one here, so I would encourage you to read a book or look up an article on family worship from a trustworthy source like John Piper, Ligonier Ministries, or Gospel Coalition. If you honestly need a reason, you can do the work to figure out why.

But here’s one good reason I found in my own search for why we should do family worship: God’s clear command in Scripture.

“Hear, O Israel: The Lord our God, the Lord is one. You shall love the Lord your God with all your heart and with all your soul and with all your might. And these words that I command you today shall be on your heart. You shall teach them diligently to your children, and shall talk of them when you sit in your house, and when you walk by the way, and when you lie down, and when you rise. You shall bind them as a sign on your hand, and they shall be as frontlets between your eyes. You shall write them on the doorposts of your house and on your gates” (Deuteronomy 6:4–9).

And to encourage and inspire you, I’ll include what each of our kids said when asked what they like about our family worship.

• Hannah (age 6): “I like all of it but my favorite is praying, how we can talk to God, it’s amazing and good.”
• Abi (age 8): “I like choosing a song to sing with mommy playing on the piano, I like answering questions about the Bible, and I just like spending special time together with my family.”
• Isaac (age 10): “I like answering questions about the Bible, not just listening to you read but interacting. I also like singing songs together.”
• Elijah (age 12): “I love the Scripture reading and how much knowledge we get from the Bible, I also really like the worship, like we’re singing to God.”

Ok, fine…but how?

I’d like to spend the rest of your attention span on the how. In my experience, especially at Faith, most Christian families have an earnest desire to honor the Lord and worship Him in all that they do (1 Corinthians 10:31), and the idea of doing family worship sounds great. However, many (including me) don’t feel like they have the time or skill set needed to “do it right.”

So, let me encourage you in the same way I have been encouraged by others, with God’s Word: He has equipped you for every good work (Ephesians 2:10, 2 Corinthians 9:8), through the Word of God (2 Timothy 3:16-17), by His grace and the power of the Holy Spirit (Hebrews 13:20-21), so that you will bear fruit (Colossians 1:10). He is the one who has put the desire in you (Philippians 2:13) and has given you exactly the time you need to be faithful (Galatians 6:9). I encourage you to meditate on those verses if you are at all like me and wrestle with feelings of inadequacy and of not having “enough time.”

Beyond that, I encourage you to just start, don’t overthink it, don’t create an outline, guide, or 10-step process. Just take one step forward: Talk to your spouse, talk to your kids and read, sing, and pray with your family today. If you’re doing nothing right now, make it a point to pray with and for your family, beyond just the normal mealtime and bedtime prayers. Pray boldly. Pray scripture. Pray specifically. Ask for prayer requests; ask others to pray as well.

If prayer is already a normal part of your family rhythms, add reading Scripture together. Don’t know what to read? Start with the proverbs, psalms or the gospels. If you have very young kids, try reading from a storybook Bible. If your kids are having difficulty understanding Scripture, choose a “thought for thought” translation like the New Living Translation.

Got that down? Sing a song together! Don’t know what to sing? Sing the doxology, or ask your kids to pick, give everyone a turn, print out lyrics, make a song book of your favorites. Can’t carry a tune or play an instrument? Neither can I. You’re worshipping the Lord; just raise a joyful noise together!

If your efforts are met with silence and blank stares, short attention spans, and constant fidgeting, or even annoyance and resistance…that’s ok. Just be faithful, be consistent, honor the Lord by doing what you know is right. Remember, He is the one who does all the work anyway; we’re just called to faithfully plant that seed (1 Corinthians 3:6).

What if your kids have a large age gap? Still prioritize a regular time to read, sing, and pray together, but consider sending the younger ones to bed and give another 5-15 minutes to older kids who are ready for deeper study and understanding. Or set aside a weekly time to dedicate to your older kids.

If you need other ideas, consider Scripture memory and catechisms (The New City Catechism is great and there’s a free app!). If your kids attend Wednesday night Discovery at Faith, their workbooks are a great resource: Check out the hymns in the back and the catechism selections. You can use those to talk about what they're learning in Discovery during the school year, or to review and refresh during the summer. For teenagers and young adults, consider going through a Christian book together: Read something by Jerry Bridges, Paul Tripp, or Lou Priolo (to name a few of my favorites). Or pick something to study, like the attributes of God or the fruits of the Spirit. Try asking your kids what they want to study, learn, or read.

When?

And when should you do family worship? Try to find a time of day when you consistently have 5 to 15 minutes together. This will be different for every family; for us, it’s the evening before bed. For others it will be first thing in the morning or gathered around the table for a meal. Even then, life will get in the way; seasons and routines will change. Be ready to pick another time or develop another routine. Have a “quick” version of family worship for those times when your routine is interrupted or time is unexpectedly cut short. For us, that’s simply singing the Doxology together and I pray for everyone.

Some ideas that work for us some of the time

If you haven’t left me yet, I’d like to share with you some of the different ways we have done family worship in the various seasons of our life.

Bri and I have set aside and enjoy a weekly time for devotions for just the two of us, after the kids are in bed. Currently we are finishing up Quieting a Noisy Soul and plan to go through Paul Tripp’s book Parenting next. We begin our time singing 2 to 3 songs together then discuss the week’s session together, ending with prayer. We also make it a point to try to end every night praying together before we fall asleep.

This is a new habit we’ve only developed in the last couple years. But I would encourage all couples, especially newlyweds, to make this a habit sooner rather than later. This has been such a blessing and boon to our marriage, our intimacy, and our love for each other and the Lord, that I can’t say enough about how valuable these habits have been.

When we had infants, we developed a bedtime routine which always included singing a hymn and praying. For us, that hymn was “Come Thou Fount,” and as the infants turned into toddlers they joined us in singing. As our toddlers grew we started reading The Jesus Storybook Bible nightly in addition to singing and praying. Admittedly, this season of family worship was very inconsistent, mostly due to my lack of leadership, but by God’s grace we continued to strive for some sort of bedtime routine of worshiping together.

That leads us to our current season and the rhythms and routines of family worship. The encouragement my friend at Faith shared 3-4 years ago—“Read, Sing, Pray”—was what led us to where we are now. Each evening we gather with our four kids for what we call family devotions. I read through a chapter of Proverbs and ask the kids to raise their hands when they have a comment or question. I use the New Living Translation to make it easier for them to understand.

Then we sing together. Bri often plays piano and leads us in singing. We have put together some songbooks of our favorites so everyone can sing along. Around Christmastime we switch to our holiday songbooks. They aren’t fancy, simply printed out at home on regular paper and stapled together. Usually we sing only one song, usually based on suggestions from the kids. When time is short, we simply sing the doxology together.

Finally, we pray together. Usually, everyone prays and I try to give a prayer prompt based on the Scripture we read that day. Sometimes it’s expressing thanks, sometimes it’s asking for help, sometimes it’s confessing, but I try to make it simple and relevant. When all else fails I encourage them to express thanks to God for His Word. When time is short, I simply pray for all of us.

About two years ago, we added a separate weekly “discipleship” night. This started with just me and the boys (age 10 and 12) meeting for an extended time after family devotions while their younger sisters went to bed. About a year ago, the girls asked if they could do their own discipleship like their brothers. So now, every Tuesday night, the boys and I meet while the girls meet with Bri separately for an extended age-appropriate time learning about God and growing in holiness.

Weekly discipleship for the boys consists of reading and discussing God’s Word, a time of confession and repentance, a time to “ask any question,” and a time of prayer where we share requests and pray for each other. Additionally, I sometimes give the boys light homework assignments like asking them to write out their testimony or pick a fruit of the Spirit and find some Bible verses to share about it. The girls’ discipleship time is similar but geared toward their younger ages.

This has been a good opportunity for the boys to ask questions that it would be difficult to answer in front of their younger sisters. They have asked me about sex, war, politics, gender, bad words, and many other things that most boys will hear about or wonder about as they grow older.

This has also been a huge blessing for Bri, who can “defer” their questions to me by telling them to “ask Dad during discipleship.” This has been extremely helpful for her as she balances life homeschooling four kids and doesn’t always have the time or freedom to have an extended private conversation.

This has also set a precedent of open and safe communication between the boys and me that I hope will continue for the rest of their lives. It is my ardent hope and prayer that they will always feel comfortable asking me the hard and awkward questions of life.

Fears, failures, and delight

My hope is that you’re feeling encouraged and inspired to start or add to your own rhythms of family worship. But, if for some reason you’re still feeling intimidated or inadequate, or like you can’t possibly add one more thing to your schedule, I understand. I wrestle with those same fears and hesitations all the time. That is why I encourage you to start small and keep it simple, consistent and sustainable.

The truth is that for most of our 18-year marriage I failed to prioritize family worship. I have not led our family to a deeper love and knowledge of the Creator of the universe. I’ve often prioritized my own comfort, time, and convenience instead. For years I saw the bedtime routine simply as a hurdle to getting the kids in bed so that I can rest and “get a break.”

There is still lots of room in our routine for growth. We skip family worship when we have guests over in the evening, and don’t always do it when we’re on vacation. Sometimes I still hurry through it to get the kids in bed as soon as possible. I also have no idea how this will all work as our kids grow older and start staying up later, or when they aren’t around in the evenings at all!

What I do know is that God has been changing my heart so that I have a desire to continue to grow and cultivate our family worship rhythms, to overcome each obstacle and the inevitable changes in the future. I love how family worship has brought us all closer to each other as we’re drawn closer to the Lord. I look forward to the sweet and joyful cacophony of our voices raised in praise together, the deep satisfaction of hearing my sons honestly and earnestly confess sin to each other and reconcile, of my girls eagerly raising their hands because they’ve heard something in God’s Word that they want to talk about, and the humbling delight of hearing my kids pray for me specifically and intentionally.

Ask for help

Don’t be afraid to ask for help! Ask a trusted friend or mentor. Bring it up at your Growth Group, ask a pastor or elder, and if you have no other options, ask me! I don’t have all the answers and have failed at this more often than I’ve succeeded, but, like you, I desperately want to honor the Lord and love my family well.

Maybe, by God’s grace, you can learn from my mistakes and few successes, and maybe in turn you can inspire and encourage me. So reach out, approach me on Sunday morning. If I don’t make eye contact and seem really awkward, sorry. I’m working on it, and I do genuinely want to answer your questions. After all, this is what the body of Christ is for, right (Romans 12:4-5)?

Just do something

Start today. Do something small, be flexible, do it to honor the Lord and for the expectant joy of it. I like how Matthew Henry puts it: “If therefore our houses be houses of the Lord, we shall for that reason love home, reckoning our daily devotion the sweetest of our daily delights; and our family-worship the most valuable of our family-comforts. A church in the house will be a good legacy, nay, it will be a good inheritance, to be left to your children after you.”

Justin Holland

Justin has been member of Faith Bible Church since 2021. He and his wife, Bri, have four children.

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